If you knew me and most of you don't, you would have known that turning 40 this year was kind of a big deal. I think it was the impetus of why I stopped drinking. It wasn't the reason but it came into play. After 9 months of not drinking this would be my FIRST sober birthday in 22 years?!??!?!?! Is that possible? Yep, sure is!!
My husband asked what I wanted to do for the big 4-0 and I said go away if we can make it work. But if not no big deal - didn't want to party, didn't want a big celebration, didn't want to think. I don't need something BIG to feel special. So I made plans to get a massage and a facial and just get my haircut, just a little mini me day. No plans on telling anybody about my birthday just enough to feel a little special with a bounce in my step!
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans" - Woody Allen
Enter my 40th birthday - it basically started out with a decision to put the cat down the next day. We were getting signs it was time, she was nearing 12, she was becoming incontinent and we had already done all possible tests. Why am I justifying it to you? She was MY cat! ;) There is a story behind the beloved cat. She was MY pet. My husband and I got her when we moved in together before marriage and kids (sinners, I know). And she was my first baby. She also LOVED ME when I couldn't love myself... So we put it off for a day but we knew it was coming and we had to tell the kids. TOUGH right????
Another thing that happened on my birthday was that my phone just decided to basically break and I went to get it fixed .... and I couldn't get it fixed and they couldn't help me and then everywhere I turned there was a phone road block. I realize this might not sound like a big deal. Let me remind you that its 2022 and people use their phone for literally EVERYTHING and it was my 40th birthday. I couldn't even call my mother.... I had to use my husbands phone to call my mom. What kind of 40th birthday celebration is that - I can't even call my mom?! Again not the worst thing in the world but I didn't get any birthday messages, not a one! There were a few other debacles and there were a lot of other good moments like some beautiful earrings. But it was a really really no good, awful, do-over kind of birthday. Now I could sit here and say I wallowed in self pity and TRUST ME, I KNOW that people have very REAL problems in the world and this is a first world problem. I GET IT. BUT in all honesty, I feel like I grinned and beared it as best as I could!
And then the next few days after it were really tough too! And sometimes life is tough - like really tough - like crying on your hands and knees looking up at the sky and going what did I do to you?!?!?! I guess God or the Universe or whatever you want to call it has a sense of humor. And one day I'll look back on all of this and laugh so hard my sides hurt. But right now it so painful and it hurts so deep and it might hurt for a while. But I didn't drink and actually I didn't even think about it! So take that universe... But I won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XOXO,
Gigg
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