I want to point out that I have never been into meditation or yoga or prayer for that matter! Eeeek... I really do sound like a bad Catholic, don't I??!?! Anyhow, it just never was my thing, I couldn't focus, I couldn't concentrate, I didn't feel anything, It didn't make me feel better inside... I just didn't get the hype.
At the start of my sobriety I was told about the Insight Timer app, a free meditation app and I figured what do I have to lose? I swear if you told me that bouncing on one foot while drinking a glass of windex and singing a Beatles song would get you sober, I would have done it GLADLY. So why not meditation? I have anxiety, I've had depression... AND instead of reaching for a drink, maybe I could learn to control those racing thoughts or at the very least slow them down. So I downloaded Insight Timer and immediately was like "I don't have time to do this". I work full time, I have two kids, I have a husband, I have a cat AND we've got a whole life outside of the home, soccer... so much soccer!!!. Just like every other family in America, I've got a busy life!!! But slowly... and... slowly... and... slowly I found time to add it into my routine. Maybe a few times a week, maybe every other day, maybe on the train while commuting, what about even in the shower? How about at night before bed? Maybe once a kid would fall asleep I can squeeze it in. And slowly... and... slowly... and... slowly it became a daily thing. Something that I can't even wait to do. Oh and just so we are clear my meditations are generally less than 10 minutes... again, short on time over here!
"There's a voice that doesn't use words. Listen" - Rumi
Through my meditation, I discovered a connection to a higher self ... to a divinity. Once I was able to slow down my thoughts and really push myself to let go and have that mental clarity... where you're not using your brain, you're not thinking, you're being in the present moment and all the sensations that can come with that.... It's inspiring and uplifting and feels like fulfillment. It's beautiful.
Easy, right? NOPE! Meditation is a practice. And as my sons teacher used to say practice makes progress, not perfection. You have to slow down, train your brain to check out of our fast-paced lives and SIT. Thats it... just SIT. Actually I prefer laying down, who doesn't want to lie down if they can? I started with a loving kindness meditation. I listened to "Metta" by Davin Youngs and I would repeat the following:
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I be safe
May I be at peace in life
Over time it ignited a spark of compassion for myself and then I was able to tap into new sensations in my body. I had a gut, an actual intuition and it felt STRONG. I had a heart that felt powerful with love. And again over time, A LONG TIME, these new feelings ... well lets just say they got so intense I started a Blog!!!! Stay tuned... maybe we can figure this out together!
XOXO,
Gigg
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